While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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