u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
