dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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