You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
