I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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