I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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