see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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