so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize