There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
