Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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