Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I wish you could order shots online.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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