Me too!
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Dignity is for republicans.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
