I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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