I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
