Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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