Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
