why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
