Do you still have your period?
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
