for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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