Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
