I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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