My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
