: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
