...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
