I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
