I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
