You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
