his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
