so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Randomize
