I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
