I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
