Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
