do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I just had sex on a roof
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
