You just made me feel so damn special
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
