just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
