She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
