she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
