i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Randomize
