thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
