I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
