I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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