i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
