I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
How naked do you want me to be?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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