Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
