had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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