Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Randomize
