i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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