I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
