we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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