So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
